This is a bit of a note-to-self. I've had one of those days where I just can't. Stop. Eating. Perhaps writing it all down will shame me into doing something differently the next time these urges come along...
For breakfast, I often have two slices of heavy German-style rye bread, toasted, with peanut butter and sliced banana (man, I could eat that right now). Today, I had three. Okay, and I had one of yesterday's experimental waffles while I was waiting for the first lot to toast. Bad start? Well, I figured that I felt hungrier than usual, so I should just eat more.
I took my two little boys to their gym classes and then we went upstairs for their snack. I planned not to eat anything, but I shnarfed the boiled egg yolk that The Big Small left and a couple of The Small Small's pistachio nuts.
I'm not going to make this a food diary of my entire day (that would be too shameful) but, needless to say, the pattern continued. As I sit here thinking about what was different about today, I suppose there were just a lot of those moments where I thought "what the hell?" - a bit like how I used to say alcohol affected me and why it made nights out so eventful. (Incidentally, I read a great line the other day about how drinking alcohol lets you borrow happiness and energy from the next day and using caffeine lets you borrow energy from later in the day - so true, right?)
The other major difference today was that I hadn't planned ahead. There was no homemade soup in the fridge for lunch like there usually is. It was just me and The Small Small for dinner, so instead of cooking a good meal, we went for a long walk, stopped off at the park on the way home, and then ate super-quick cupboard food. There was plenty of cheese and chocolate in the house. I know my demons; I just can't always dodge them when they come at me!
|Emergency dinner: packet (white) filled pasta with cream cheese, spicy peppers, rocket, pickled onions and gorgonzola.|
It has been interesting to notice when my two little boys suddenly eat a ton more than usual. There are common phenomena with young children - like growth spurts, when the folds of fat at their wrists and ankles seem to stretch out overnight - which make it acceptable for them to have a day or even a week's binge. But it's not okay for adults, it is? Or should we just go with our desires for a short time, accept them without guilt and then start again with the next decision? If only it were that easy! Especially when I think about how hard I work at the gym! Sssssake.
As for today, the best thing for my health would be going to bed. Right now! There's wine aboot this hoose, after all...